About two years ago, I was sitting with my dad talking about my career. “I want to take a year off and go write somewhere,” I said. It seemed like a logical decision – I had some talent as a writer, but was lacking the time. All I needed was a lit fire beneath me to get started.
His response has stuck with me ever since: “You don’t do any writing now. Why not set aside some time for it without quitting your job? You could easily do both.”
That may seem like obvious advice – it definitely wasn’t the first time I had heard it – but I wasn’t ready for it. Writing, as you’ll gather from this website, is important to me, and with that importance comes a certain weightiness. I couldn’t just start writing any old thing. It had to be something meaningful, and it had to be good.
This is obviously flawed logic – I won’t become good if I don’t get started, so waiting to start until I’m good is a hopeless strategy. But it’s not uncommon. We’re frequently afraid to get started on something new, even more so if that something is important to us or if we see it as part of our identity. This is FOGS – the fear of getting started.
In my first post on this site, I wrote:
I have written a few good things. A clever college essay; a funny short story in Spanish; rhyming poems for Christmases and birthdays. I have been told, by relatives whose opinion I’m skeptical of and others with absolutely no stake in my success, that I have talent for writing, and as a result I have a bit of an inflated head. It just seems so easy!“
I have always thought I could be a talented writer, but was afraid to prove myself wrong. So long as I didn’t try, I couldn’t fail.
Fast forward two years, and my dad’s advice has come true. I do have time to write outside of work, and I am getting better as I go. And with hindsight, I can see the absurdity of wanting to quit my job to do something I had never really done before.
The confidence to get started is just a muscle – the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. I was reminded of that this past week, on a call with an intern at work. He told me he was from Lima and I froze – I could speak to him in Spanish, and practice a language I loved, or I could stick to my comfort zone and avoid mispronouncing something.
I chose the former, because of the weekly Zoom calls in Spanish I’ve been doing for the past few months. “I’ve already put myself out there in this foreign language,” I thought, “what’s one more leap of faith?” We flipped to Spanish and it was a blast. For years I had avoided speaking to colleagues in Spanish in fear of not being truly fluent. But in the process I had started to lose my fluency. Talk about flawed logic!
So how do you overcome FOGS?
1. Honestly address your fears
Tim Ferriss has a great exercise called Fear Setting, which asks that you do something simple: define exactly what you are afraid of. For me, anytime I speak in Spanish I am afraid I will sound like an idiot. I’m afraid my accent will be unintelligible. I’m afraid my R’s won’t roll properly and I’ll say something ludicrous by mistake. In short – I’m afraid of superficial things.
So what if I don’t make a lot of sense? My coworker will be happy for the opportunity to speak in their native language, and if they really can’t understand me – something I know won’t happen because I do speak Spanish – then we can always switch back.
Define your fears to understand the worst that can happen, and don’t be surprised if the worst-case scenario isn’t actually so bad.
2. Start small
People don’t like this advice because it sounds wimpy. Start small? Did Elon start small when he launched a rocket into space? No! Then why shouldn’t I go vegan tomorrow? Starting small is for losers.
That may be true for some people. But for most of us, starting small is the only option. The desire to start big is what has led to years of inaction. It’s why I have hardly spoken Spanish or done any writing since graduating college – if I had, it would have had to be perfect.
The truth is that it obviously won’t be perfect. That yoga class you’ve been thinking of starting won’t be perfect because you’ve never done it before – so instead of waiting until you have the courage to quit your job and become an instructor, invite over a few friends and practice with them. It’ll be a full-fledged class before you know it.
3. Seize opportunity
I wrote earlier that a key to changing habits is seizing opportunities as they come. The same is true for overcoming FOGS – if you come across an organic moment to get started, go for it. Maybe a friend reaches out to see if you can teach them yoga. Or, in my case, maybe I come across somebody online who wants to practice their English. Say yes without hesitation – the downside is you’ve wasted an hour, but the upside is limitless.
I can talk a big game about getting started with writing, but the truth is that it took a global pandemic to push me into my current routine. Sometimes life hands you a freebie.
4. Tame your mammoth
Tim Urban wrote a great post about the Social Survival Mammoth, a mechanism that helped us to survive in the Ice Age, but makes us self-conscious conformists today. This mammoth is extremely active when it comes to starting something new.
When I first created this website, my number one fear of sharing it with friends was that it would run counter to the identity they were comfortable with. “Emmett, write a blog? Who does he think he is?” But the truth, as Urban writes, is that “no one really cares that much about what you’re doing. People are highly self-absorbed.”
If they do care, they will quickly move past it. Think about your own friends. You know people who have changed their diet, become passionate about a political cause or started doing CrossFit, and while you may have been surprised for a few days it has now become a part of who they are.
Identities have to be formed somehow, and if you’re unwilling to break the mold then you’re choosing to be stuck where you are.
5. Talk openly about your goals
Scott Trench writes in his book Set For Life about the importance of giving others the opportunity to make you lucky. “Over the long run, the guy who makes known his intentions to the world and is constantly seeking aid in his pursuits will experience infinitely more luck.”
If you’re interested in jobs at a tech startup, start sharing that goal. Want to invest in real estate? Tell your friends. The more people are aware of your goals, the easier it will be for them to help you. And help is a crucial antidote to FOGS.
So go get started!
Life is short. Don’t let inaction stand in the way of your achievement!